What Lies Beyond My Understanding

That's Kris in the red shirt

I like to wonder about the things that I struggle to understand. I find it relaxing to think about something that I can not fully absorb and then push myself to grasp every facet until I can feel my mind stop trying. That point is the wall, it's the end of my understanding. The topics vary, often I think about type I diabetes, my marriage, my children, what happiness is. Lately, if I'm being honest, I think a lot about how to help my book to find new readers.

I love the quiet that exists when my brain doesn't know where to go next. I don't consider hitting that wall as an impediment, I find it exciting, I trust that new concepts will eventually appear and that anticipation is electric. Sometimes nothing comes, I take those moments as a sign that I'm in uncharted waters, a place that I've yet to explore and I find the challenge to discover new ideas to be intellectually sexy.

Recently at the 2013 Lilly Diabetes Blogger Summit, I realized that there was a new place where answers about type I lived, a place that I didn't yet understand how to get to. That moment was exciting because it meant that one day I could do an even better job of keeping Arden's BGs in range. I like that idea very much.

Olympic skier Kris Freeman visited with our group at Lilly and during part of the discussion that we had with him, he spoke about his team. There are people that help Kris to optimize his insulin regiment so that he can perform at the peak of his promise. His team has, of course, access to machines and monitoring equipment that I don't have. More importantly they posses the know-how and intellectual prowess (far beyond mine) to read Kris's data and implement changes. Now, I don't have a team and I'm not a doctor but neither of those truths brought me down, on the contrary... they made me feel hopeful. If a bunch of smart guys can figure out how to keep an Olympic skier's BG from fluctuating, I can figure out how to mimic that response in a little girl whose sitting in a third grade class and playing softball a few times a week - right!?

It should be known that despite the vigorous testing, his team's calculations aren't always fool proof. Kris told us a story about a wildly varied BG that snuck up on him just before a race. His tale left me sure that diabetes is a wild bucking stallion for everyone at times. I loved how normal I felt listening to an Olympic athlete tell me that his BGs got crazy just like Arden's, it was so genuinely comforting to hear him speak those words.

Back before I knew what a CGM was I would test Arden's blood glucose at odd times just to see where meals and insulin would take her BG. I remember this one day in our Endo's office, Arden's NP asked how her A1c was so good when all of her BG checks where so high, I said, "Oh don't pay attention to those numbers, I'm trying to figure something out". I didn't exactly know what I was doing back then, what I did know is that there was some variable that I was struggling to comprehend, I could feel that it wasn't right to shoot insulin and then just except that the next three hours where okay. Today, thanks to those BG checks at crazy times and the advent of CGM technology, Arden's BGs are far more level and controlled. Tomorrow, thanks to Lilly and our meeting with Kris... I have something new to wonder about, something that may well bring all of this into even better focus. I can't wait to find out what lies beyond that thought.

There's always an answer. Please don't stop looking for it just becasue you've reach the end of your ability to understand. Push yourself, experiment and ask lots of questions until your conversations bring you the answers that you deserve.

Lilly Diabetes invited and paid for me to attend the 2013 summit. Airfare, lodging, food and transportation was all covered by Lilly. I did buy a jammin' lemon pound cake slice for myself at the airport. They never asked me to write about my experience or in any way tried to sway my opinions.

Diabetes Blog Week 2013

Diabetes blog week is the reason that I didn't give up on blogging a few years ago when I began to feel like my voice was necessary in the community.... so I love it!

You can (and should) find out more about Karen Graffeo's wonderful creation at this link. I'll be doing my best to keep up with the topics next week... Here is the list of topics from Karen's blog:

Share and Don’t Share - Monday 5/13

Often our health care team only sees us for about 15 minutes several times a year, and they might not have a sense of what our lives are really like. Today, let’s pretend our medical team is reading our blogs. What do you wish they could see about your and/or your loved one's daily life with diabetes? On the other hand, what do you hope they don't see?

We, The Undersigned - Tuesday 5/14

Recently various petitions have been circulating the Diabetes Online Community, so today let’s pretend to write our own. Tell us who you would write the petition to – a person, an organization, even an object (animate or inanimate) - get creative!! What are you trying to change and what have you experienced that makes you want this change?

Memories - Wednesday 5/15

Today we’re going to share our most memorable diabetes day. You can take this anywhere.... your or your loved one's diagnosis, a bad low, a bad high, a big success, any day that you’d like to share.

Accomplishments Big and Small -Thursday 5/16

We don’t always realize it, but each one of us had come a long way since diabetes first came into our life. It doesn’t matter if it’s been 5 weeks, 5 years or 50 years, you’ve done something outstanding diabetes-wise. So today let’s share the greatest accomplishment you've made in terms of dealing with your (or your loved one’s) diabetes. No accomplishment is too big or too small - think about self-acceptance, something you’ve mastered (pump / exercise / diet / etc.), making a tough care decision (finding a new endo or support group / choosing to use or not use a technology / etc.).

Freaky Friday - Friday 5/17

Just like in the movie, today we’re doing a swap. If you could switch chronic diseases, which one would you choose to deal with instead of diabetes? And while we’re considering other chronic conditions, do you think your participation in the DOC has affected how you treat friends and acquaintances with other medical conditions? 

Diabetes Art - Saturday 5/18

This year Diabetes Art moves up from the Wildcard choices as we all channel our creativity with art in the broadest sense. Do some “traditional” art like drawing, painting, collage or any other craft you enjoy. Or look to the literary arts and perhaps write a d-poem or share and discuss a favorite quote. Groove to some musical arts by sharing a song that inspires you diabetes-wise, reworking some song lyrics with a d-twist, or even writing your own song. Don’t forget dramatic arts too, perhaps you can create a diabetes reality show or play. These are just a starting point today – there are no right or wrong ways to get creative!

Spread the Love - Sunday 5/19

As another Diabetes Blog Week draws to a close, let’s reflect on some of the great bloggers we’ve found this week. Give some love to three blog posts you’ve read and loved during Diabetes Blog Week, and tell us why they’re worth reading. Or share three blogs you’ve found this week that are new to you.

Dream Diabetes Device Wildcard

Back by popular demand, let's revisit this prompt from last year! Tell us what your fantasy diabetes device would be? Think of your dream blood glucose checker, delivery system for insulin or other meds, magic carb counter, etc etc etc. The sky is the limit – what would you love to see?

Diabetes Wild Kingdom Wildcard

What is the ideal diabetes service animal? Think beyond the obvious and be creative in explaining why your choice is a good one. For example, maybe a seal would make a good service animal - it flaps its flippers and barks every time you get a good blood sugar reading!

Tears of Insulin

images courtesy of Lilly Diabetes

Recently, I attended the 2013 Lilly Diabetes Blogger Summit in Indianapolis, Indiana. One part of the visit allowed us to witness insulin being manufactured and I'm here to tell you that the experience brought me to tears.

Maybe it was the overwhelming feeling that Arden couldn't live without the concoction or perhaps it was when I realized how many dedicated people it takes to make the insulin that Arden needs so desperately. I'm still not completely sure why the sight of insulin production was so moving to me. All I can tell you is that as those little glass vials were zooming past me and as I watched the mechanical arm fill them, I cried. There I was in a viewing room with my fellow D-Bloggers, all of us clad in hairnets, masks and gowns, when tears suddenly began to roll down my cheeks.

Arden doesn't even use Lilly's insulin and still the thought of this place existing was too powerful for me to ignore. So many people that I love, and so many of you that I call friends depend on places like this. I never really thought about it before, never considered the scope and effort that went into the production of insulin. It was amazing and overwhelming to behold. "Arden wouldn't be here today without out companies like Lilly", I thought as I watched the vials fly by... Then I looked around the room and saw so many friends and fellow D-bloggers who all could make similar statements about loved ones and themselves.

I found the hours that we spent on the production floor to be altering, they filled me with gratitude and humility. Diabetes did it again, just when I thought that my perspective on life was as clear as it could possibly get, diabetes brought things into even tighter focus.

This visit was as close to spiritual for me as anything that I've ever experienced. I went to the place that makes the very substance that my daughter needs to stay alive. What an amazing day, what an honor!

Lilly Diabetes invited and paid for me to attend the 2013 summit. Airfare, lodging, food and transportation was all covered by Lilly. I did buy a jammin' lemon pound cake slice for myself at the airport. They never asked me to write about my experience or in any way tried to sway my opinions.

Pictures from 2013 Lilly Diabetes Blogger Summit

I have so much coming up for you over the next two weeks, let's see.

I'll be telling you about my trip to Indiana to visit Lilly Diabetes where we:

Saw how insulin was manufactured

Met Kris Freeman

Recorded a group DSMA PodCast

Learned about the man who drives Lilly's direction

and more...

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My book, 'Life Is Short, Laundry Is Eternal' won a gold Mom's Choice Award - more about that later.

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While Iron Man was kicking super villain butt, I kicked the ass of a crazy combination of nachos, popcorn and candy. I'll be writing about the unorthodox way that I beat that BG back to where it came from.

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For today, let's get started with some pictures from the Lilly Diabetes 2013 Blogger summit

Lilly Diabetes invited and paid for me to attend the 2013 summit. Airfare, lodging, food and transportation was all covered by Lilly. I did buy a jammin' lemon pound cake slice for myself at the airport. They never asked me to write about my experience or in any way tried to sway my opinions. 

Where the Internet Meets my Driveway

I was writing at my desk when Cole came into the house from outside. It was an unusually balmy December day and he was taking advantage of the warm air.

"Dad, there is a lady in the driveway that wants to talk to you"

Cole didn't recognize the woman and either did I as I walked toward her. She extended her hand and within a few words I began to understand why she was here. She fumbled a bit with her words, seeming uncomfortable that she had just shown up at my house without notice.

"I have a friend... she told me about this guy on your street... he has a daughter with type I, are you him?"

Then she gestured to her car, "my daughter was just diagnosed and I live around the corner from here".

We talked for a half of an hour about varying diabetes questions, I tried my best to give her some information, the stuff that I wish I had knowledge of during our first month. We exchanged numbers and promised to let the girls meet soon. I was so proud of her for reaching out in the way that she did, I found myself wishing that I had that courage when Arden was first diagnosed.

I told her about all of you and asked her what she knew of social media. It was interesting to hear her first month concerns in person, I could imagine myself asking the same questions so many years ago. I expressed to her daughter that even though this "all sucks" now it will get much better far sooner then she can imagine.

This random moment helped to reinforce why I write about diabetes CareGiving. I could see myself in this mother's face. I knew everything that she was feeling, I understood all of her fears. We are the same person now, our only difference is that I have the comfort of time and experience and the perspective that comes with those gifts. I hope that something I said or the relaxed feeling about type I that I tried to convey, helped to relieve her fear and anxiety.

The DOC in real life was just as amazing as it is online!