In a recent Juicebox Podcast Scott Benner said he wanted his daughter to ‘be herself as much of the day as possible’. That really struck a chord with me.
I want you to be yourself...
I just want him to be normal. I thought this over and over again during the first few months after my son’s diagnosis. It is very hard to accept that your child has changed forever. I grieved the loss of his carefree childhood. I felt over-whelmed by the responsibility of keeping him alive. He was three and he was our angel.
EVERY MINUTE of EVERY DAY we try and keep our son’s blood glucose as close to normal as possible. Teddy is now seven and his HbA1c is low enough that most of the time I am able to brush away dark thoughts about his long-term health.
I just want him to be normal. I still do. I want him to be himself and FEEL himself. I look at Teddy’s BGs and each number makes me wonder how he feels inside.
A low number can make this sweet natured boy become bad-tempered and rude, clumsy and sad. He drops his finger-pricker when I ask him to test. How does Teddy feel? Is his reality skewed? He is not himself. He needs sugar.
With a high number I sometimes see Teddy staring into space. He doesn’t listen to me. Can’t concentrate. He can be unhappy. I imagine the sugar pumping through his veins making him feel sluggish and his senses less sharp. He is being poisoned. Water. Give him water, and insulin of course.
Recently at school Teddy was told off for shouting out in class. He started to cry. He cried and cried and said he wanted to go home. His carer realised that his blood sugar was quite high. Maybe this caused him to shout out. It was out of character. They couldn’t stop him crying and all the time his blood sugar was rising because he was distressed and this was making him cry more. They felt really bad for him and took him for a walk outside and gave him computer time to cheer him up. At the end of the school day his eyes were still puffy and red. We all learnt a lesson from that day.
For the last 4 weeks things have been good with Teddy’s BGs. Lovely Dexcom graphs lower my stress levels. But I have noticed his mood swings and behaviour changing with lower highs and higher lows as if he has become more sensitive to being out of range. I work all the time at keeping him in range. I feel so responsible for changes in his character and behaviour that may be caused by lows or highs. When he is yo-yoing I can’t imagine how he feels in his mind and body. But my little boy is amazing as he always bounces back to being his gorgeous sweet happy little self.
Anna Hutton - Teddy's Mum
Anna was a recent guest on my podcast... You can listen here.