I put out the word on episode 15 of my podcast... If anyone in the diabetes online community didn't have their own blog and wanted to participate in Diabetes Blog Week, I'd host their blog post here on Arden's Day. Almost immediately, Kelly Griffin emailed me to say that she wanted to contribute a post -- Kelly must have caught the blogging bug because she sent me a note on Wednesday and asked if she could contribute again...
Clean it out...
At first when I thought about cleaning things out, I couldn't help but think of the pile of test strips at the bottom of my purse. (Did I just admit to that?) From what I've read in the DOC, that seems to be a pretty common occurrence. Since I'm in good company, I'll move on to a different kind of cleaning.
What is Control?
Today, I am clearing out my need to always be in control. One of the great lessons that comes with T1D is that you are not in control. When I was in school, I loved math. Absolutely LOVED it (I know that's crazy). I used to ask other kids if I could complete their algebra problems in study hall because the logic of it made me so happy. I love when I can follow a formula and know that I'm going to end up with the right answer.
When I started on insulin, I treated it much like math. I figured that I just needed to work with it long enough to find that perfect formula, and then it would be easy. Giving up control - there are days that are better than others, but it's never easy or predictable. I had no idea how many variables were involved. I had no idea how many questions could never be answered. No matter how many experts are involved in my care, there are days when it's still a mystery to me.
No One is Perfect?
Today, I clear out the need to always be perfect. Over the years, I have tried very hard to have the perfect T1D diet (whatever that is). I have been vegan, vegetarian, paleo, high carb, low carb...you name it, I've tried it. In the end, I always find that if I restrict myself too much, I will end up drowning in a bowl of Frosted Flakes before the day is over. I have to remind myself that it's not about perfection. I need to enjoy life, and enjoy food in moderation. I had to find what worked best for me, and allow myself to have some freedom in my choices.
Diabetes and Fear Don't Have to go Together!
Today, I clear out the fear. I have an endo appointment coming up in a couple of weeks. I always get nervous around my appointments. It's as if I keep waiting for the day that I'll hear some bad news. I've maintained tight control since diagnosis (13 years ago), and to date, I've never had an issue. We're always told that if we keep tight control, we can live a normal life free of any complications. I hope that's true. I know that it is for some people, but perhaps not others. This used to really concern me. What would I do if something happened? What if I needed help? I'm letting go of the fear. What kind of present can I have if I live afraid of the future? What kind of future will I create if its foundation is fear? I will live my best life each day. I will take care of myself with God's help in the best way I can. I will lean on my friends, family, and the DOC for support when I need it. I will focus on educating those around me about T1D, and supporting those who struggle.
I clear out my need to always be in control. I clear out the need to always be perfect. I clear out the fear. In their place, I invite hope, courage, support from the community, and the opportunity to give back.
Remember, anyone that wants to write for blog week and doesn't have an outlet for their words only needs to email me - I am happy to give your writing a home. - Scott