I just couldn't take it anymore. I'd count the carbs perfectly, pre-bolus at exactly the right time and still there are certain foods that require another bolus an hour later. On the surface you would think that I wasn't administering enough insulin but that couldn't be because every once and a while the bolus would work - but not usually.
Example: Movie theater
Arden is a nacho and popcorn lover at a movie, and we see our fair share of movies. Most times, I measure, count carbs and bolus only to watch her DexCom G4 point it's arrows to the sky before the second act is over. Then I spend the rest of the afternoon dropping random measurements of insulin on the number in an effort to get things back to a desired level without going too low. Sounds like a bad Price Is Right game, doesn't it?
Then it just hit me a few weeks ago, we have a CGM, why am I erring on the side of caution and chasing highs when I could be living on the edge of glory with Arden's DexCom G4. Suddenly, I felt stupid. All of this time I was playing scared when I know that's how you get hurt. Time to put my head down and run through a few wood be tacklers. (Sorry, my metaphors are all over the place today)
So I looked at that food on Arden's lap, counted carbs and then added every drop of extra insulin that I ended up given her at the last movie. My new thought, "What's the worst that could happen... she starts to get low, the DexCom catches it and we throw back a fast juice box and catch the fall".
That's exactly what happened
We watched Star Trek, Arden munched on her snacks and about an hour into the movie Arden's DexCom line had never wavered, her BG was 118 and steady. This was either going to be the perfect amount of insulin or too much. About fifteen minutes later, "Beep, Beep, Beep", 92 one arrow straight down. No big deal I thought - then I leaned over and said, "Here Arden, drink this juice". Twenty minutes later the CGM line was steady at 88, Arden was able to graze her remaining popcorn without worrying about bolusing and her BG never fluctuated, even hours after the movie had ended.
All of these fancy diabetes gadgets and I was using them to chase numbers instead of staving them off. I know that this sounds scary to many of you and I know that it takes time to find your comfort level, but please believe that on the day that you gain that level of comfort... this is all going to seem so much easier. Sadly, you can't rush that day to come, but it's so worth getting to and it makes me incredibly happy to know that you will all be there one day with me - kicking type I diabetes in it's annoying ass.