It’s just after midnight and I’m posting to mark the three year anniversary of Arden’s diagnosis. It was almost exactly now three years ago when Kelly and I first thought that Arden may have type I diabetes. The next few hours were spent finding a 24hr pharmacy, learning how to check blood glucose and rushing to a hospital. I remember it being after 3 am when the doctor came into the room to deliver the news but to be honest we already knew. A moment has never before or ever since felt so very still and so utterly horrifying. The doctor’s words damaged my soul in a way that I don’t think it will ever rebound from. I couldn’t bring myself to look at Kelly, it felt like I was going to die.
To this day that feeling sometimes tries to creep in. It usually happens when I’m thinking about something that Arden will do one day, like going to school or sleeping at someone’s house for the first time. Stuff like that, stuff that normally feels good... Those things just scare the shit out of me and sometimes that feeling creeps in before I can stop it. It can only be described as the complete visceral and intellectual understanding that our lives are finite, immeasurable and more fragile then we care to admit. Because of that fear I never want to be far from Arden, it only takes a moment for something to happen and there are no indicators to guide us, none at least that can be trusted 100% of the time. Vigilance is Arden’s best chance at a healthy and long life.
Last night I went to bed at 3:30am because of Arden’s diabetes, her blood glucose just wouldn’t come down. I slept for five hours and upon waking spent the first two hours of the day figuring out why she was high and getting her stable. The hours that passed in between hurt Arden, not in a way that was evident today but in a way that may not be recognized for a decade or three, maybe not until she is sixty. Parents make mistakes, that is part of life but usually there is a little room for error usually the mistakes we make don’t shorten our children’s lives or damage their little bodies. I know two things for sure about type I; 1. every moment that Arden’s blood glucose isn’t normal is hurting her and 2. there is no way to keep her blood glucose normal for more then an hour or two at a time. It’s a morning, noon and night race to balance the scales between insulin and carbohydrates and I fear that we are always running behind.
In a few weeks Arden will be walking to raise awareness and funds for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation and I hope you can find it in your heart to support her with a donation, by joining us at the walk or by attending the poker tournament that we’ve planned... maybe by being a part of all of those things? Vigilance is only Arden’s best chance until a cure is found. Right now there are millions of parents just like me sitting awake wondering if tonight is the night something will go wrong. Right now millions of adults with type I are wondering the same thing and somewhere their parents are scared because their children are too old for them to sit outside their bedroom doors to keep them safe from whatever diabetes has in store. Finding a cure would fix so much more then diabetes.
And that cure is close, some of the advancements made in just the last few years are astounding. Please help us help Arden by supporting type I research and all of the JDRF’s important endeavors. The JDRF does so much for children with type I, the research is just the tip of the iceberg. You can click on the links below to get started now.
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