I’ve always been fascinated by the concept of ‘The Butterfly Effect’. When you’re sitting in an emergency room being told your daughter has type I diabetes you have no idea that two years later your son will be scared that he will wake up one day and be diabetic.
I also in that moment didn’t imagined how tired I’d be, how much weight I’d gain or how much stress diabetes would add to my life.
Today the ripple of Arden’s disease is felt in many if not all aspects of our life. We always thought we would have three children. Now we have a difficult time talking about the idea because it begs the question, “What if that baby is diabetic too?”. A question we just don’t have the fortitude to discuss.
Cole asked me the other day if diabetes was something he would get... Another moment I could have happily lived my life never having.
Yesterday I had a dentist appointment. You can’t imagine the hoops that we had to jump through just to free me up for two hours so I could have my tooth fixed. While I was there I had a fantastic conversation about the upcoming election with the doctor and a few other people in the office. We talked for a few minutes and I was amazed at how clear my thoughts were and how well I was able to articulate them. You see slowly I’m becoming accustom to being tired and feeling foggy. Lately, I find myself not engaging in conversations because I feel like I can’t participate in them the way I want to. I was relieved to see that I can “come back” when I’m removed from the moment-to-moment demands of Arden’s diabetes. Hopefully, as she gets older I’ll be able to reclaim more and more of that part of me.
I’m left to wonder, how much of herself will Arden never get to experience? What will she lose to the demands of keeping herself alive as the responsibility of managing her type I transfers from me to her?
I not sure what diabetes will sully tomorrow but I do know what it has laid waste to so far. If this is a fight, I think I might be losing.
Check out Arden’s new video ‘Arden Speaks’ to hear her describe what it’s like to have a seizure caused by low blood glucose. Please take a moment to “rate” the video, as it will show up in searched on YouTube more frequently if it is highly rated.
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